Gifting Treasure for Mother’s Day
Have you ever wondered what you can give someone who has suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or child loss?
The most treasured gifts are often the smallest.
The first angel came from my sister as a sweet token of remembrance after a doctor’s appointment.
The news I had received was bleak – the tiny heart stopped beating and all growth ended as well.
“This is no longer a viable pregnancy,” came the chilly proclamation.
I was in the middle of a second miscarriage nightmare, but on the receiving end of an act of sisterly love.
The beautiful winged angel was a silver Christmas ornament. Her arms cradled a baby and one wing had an inscription, a quote by Willa Cather, “Where there is great love, there are always miracles.”
A sweet momento for an awful event in my life. (My sister also bought a second one for a tiny place of honor on her Christmas tree.)
What a thoughtful, caring gift of remembrance for this baby who would never be.
Fast forward a year or so.
The second angel came from a friend I’ve known longer than any other. She stopped by with the small treasure to offer her congratulations on my pregnancy.
It was an identical angel ornament to the one my sister had given me.
My friend knew nothing about the first angel ornament – it felt like a God-sized hug and amazing circle of comfort.
Several weeks later, this beautiful angel ornament celebrating newly forming life morphed into a hideous reminder of my failure to bear children.
You see, I had another miscarriage.
In raw pain, I put the two angels and other reminders of extinguished hope far away in a dark corner of the “nursery” closet.
One day many months later I walked by a display in a store and what did I see?
The SAME angel given to me by my sister and my friend.
“Where there is great love, there are always miracles,” said the ornament.
I stood there frozen…torn between a gulf of grief and God-sent hope.
In that moment I chose the flicker of hope.
I remembered an infertility and miscarriage pamphlet a minister had given me and reflected on the advice to find a way to remember the pregnancy/baby/loss.
The ornament purchased, I went straight home to retrieve the other two matching ornaments from the deep dark of the closet.
Each one was placed with bittersweet care on a doorknob or in a bookcase.
Over time (lots and lots of time) I slowly realized that these reminders of three little ones who left too soon were comforting and grounding mementos that honored those small lives.
Do you know someone in the midst of infertility or someone who has experienced a miscarriage or infant or child loss?
This Mother’s Day, will you gift them the treasure of remembrance? It can be as simple as a card saying, “I’m thinking of you,” a Christmas ornament, a flower, a plant, a charm, etc. Something that communicates your love and tells them that you care and REMEMBER the life that was with them, however long.
All life is sacred and those who have lost a pregnancy, baby, or child need the affirmation that their little (or big) ones mattered. Their pain and loss is valid. The beauty of creation is a wonder and they need to know their precious one is valued and remembered.
If their child was named, mention his or her name in your note or when presenting the gift. Keep it simple – “I wanted to bring you this ornament to have as a remembrance of Mary. Please know that I love you, pray for you, and I am here for you.”
Thank you for gifting treasure to a friend or loved one this Mother’s Day.
(If you have experienced miscarriage or child loss, what is a treasure someone has gifted you to remember your child?)